why is it that all i want to do right now is sit here and cry?… but only if crying came with the promise that you would show up and sweep me into your arms, promising me that everything can and will get better. i feel fine when i’m away. but whenever i’m home i miss you so much. i got this horrible aching, tight feeling in my chest right before i went home. i was so afraid i’d see you.
i was afraid you’d see me. ecstatically happy, beautiful, brighter than i’ve ever been. i was afraid that you’d see that i don’t need you anymore and make yourself disappear completely from my world (even more than you already have). it’s hard giving up on you. i was fine, and now i’m not. i want nothing more than to go far away and even start the spring semester. i don’t know how i will handle myself once i see you.
